Martha’s Musings #11

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Hello!

Happy New Year! How did you bring in 2023? Did you have a quiet one at home with a cup of tea, a good book, or watch crap on TV? (oops, 20c in the swear jar…Ka-ching!) Or did you go out and let off some steam?

I went to the cinema and saw that new movie, Avatar. It was pretty good! I saw the first one set in the jungle, so this one beneath the sea was completely different but just as good.  I would highly recommend it, there’s so much going on and dynamics with the characters; the kids get into ‘mischief’ quite a bit, as kids do, even avatars…but without the mischief and the drama, you wouldn’t have a movie if they all behaved themselves, would you?

I won’t say anymore, so I don’t ruin it for you.  It’s a bit of a long movie – 3 hours 12…so take some snacks and a bottle of water, or buy it at the food counter. I tend to spill my popcorn when something scary or unexpected happens, and I make loud outbursts, and sometimes swear, so Im not allowed to do that anymore. I just take a snack bar now. I’m giving it 15/10. It’s definitely a big-screen movie, I almost felt like I needed a snorkel and goggles by the end.

After the movie, I had the family around and we got the bubbles out of the fridge.  One of my clan popped the cork and it took off like a rocket, landing safely in the gutter.  My cork-popping skills leave a bit to be desired…

Okay…honestly…I’m not allowed to pop the cork. Apparently, I shake the bottle a bit too much…like they do when they are celebrating a win at a major sporting event…and last time I was in charge of the cork, it flew right across the road from the front porch and hit the driver’s window of a passing car.  Seriously, it did.  This is not a slight stretch of the truth or a major fabrication.  It didn’t smash the window, thank God, but when it connected with the window with an almighty bang, the driver got a hell of a fright.  So, there was a slight problem with that as well.

Turns out it was an unmarked cop car, and the officer was not at all pleased with my cork connecting with his window.  I was also a bit excited at how far the cork flew as my record before then was no further than our gutter, and before that, was the front garden when I artfully dead-headed a couple of roses. And another time I hit the mailbox and the tinny sound of the cork whacking the metal sides gave out a sound that wasn’t too different from what a gun would sound like.  One of the neighbours thought it was a gun and rang the police…

So, back to the cop car.  That was just really bad luck; for him and me.  How was I to know it would go that far and hit an unmarked car?  He pulled over quickly and as he got out of his car, he was on his comms asking for backup. His other hand was on his holster.

I was rolling my eyes while my family was saying…

’Martha, you’ve really done it this time.’

“We’ll visit you in prison…’

“What did you shake it up so much for?”

“Bloody hell, Ma, we’re disowning you as of this moment…”

“We don’t know you…”

I had one family member on my side though…

“Granny, that was totally awesome!”

Sadly, his mum challenged this praise…

“No, it wasn’t, that cop looks really mad!”

So the upshot of all that was…pardon the pun…

I got a good telling-off from the officer, was almost charged with careless, wreckless misuse of a champagne cork, and had to write a formal apology!  Is any of that necessary or fair?

 I didn’t think so, but my family gathered who were witnesses to the scene, thought it was most appropriate.  They also made me promise to the officer that I would never pop the cork, ever again. They were also about to tell the officer of my tendency to attract trouble…as if!!  I think the cop had an inkling of this possible tendency…

But my grandson changed the subject in the nick of time, pardon that one, too…by saying he wanted to be a policeman when he grew up.  Well, wouldn’t that be lovely…my own flesh and blood would have the capacity to arrest me…

I just smiled as sweetly as I could and patted his head…my grandson’s, not the cops.  Best I don’t cause any more trouble by saying the wrong thing.

So now you know why I don’t pop corks.  Otherwise, my NYE was very nice.  We watched the fireworks on TV…I’m not allowed to use pyrotechnics either…but I’ll tell you about that another time.

So on that note, I hope 2023 behaves for you and treats you well.  Stay well and safe, and drop me a line if you need to talk.  I’m happy to listen, especially since I got the wax taken out, what a difference that made!

Talk soon,

Your pal,

Martha 🙂

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Thanks for reading, Martha has a chequered past…pardon that pun as well…I am sure she will tell you about it in future posts…

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